Need to Vent

There's something that I need to blow off some steam about. Recently, in one of the autism groups I belong to on Facebook, particularly a support group for parents, I've seen some comments I find quite disturbing. Now, I joined this group to give parents the perspective of an autistic person in the hopes that they could use it to apply to life with their own children. However, as of late, I've seen it stated multiple times that someone HATES autism.

I have a problem with this. People are comparing autism to a disease, such as cancer, which it is not. They claim that it "robs" their child of who they "could have been," it causes their child to "miss out on things" and so on. The thing is autism is a way of being. It is a facet of who a person is, and should be accepted as part of the whole. That's not to say is doesn't make things difficult at times; it does, but LIFE is difficult sometimes. Don't put the blame on autism. They make arguments such as "well, I'll never see my child go to prom or play soccer." Well, what if the child doesn't WANT to do those things, anyway? I never went to prom, and I have no regrets. What did I "miss out on?" A lot of money spent and a night of boredom. I rest my case. That, and maybe their child WILL be able to do those things, after all! Let them be who THEY are, not who you want them to be.

Yet parents are telling me that my view is wrong, and fighting tooth and nail to defend their stance that autism is something deserving of hate. I'm told I'm wrong for accepting who I am an embracing it. That I must be "high functioning" to be able to have such a conversation. How am I wrong for encouraging people not to hate a part of their child, and to try to convince them to reframe their thinking? I tell them things such as "a child who is nonverbal has other methods of communicating, and perhaps they can show you love in ways you never thought possible." I get beaten down and told that I'm "telling people how to feel," yet they seem to think it's fine and dandy to tell an autistic person that they have a right to hate something that it a part of that autistic person's identity. Pretty backwards, huh? I just don't get it. No, THEY don't get it.

To sum it all up, hate is a very strong word. Hate that your child has struggles. Hate that the world isn't accepting of them. Hate that others are so narrow-minded as to not be willing to understand them, but don't hate autism. No one asks to have it, but for those who have been dealt it, they and all parts of them are just as deserving of love as the next person. You wouldn't say you hate your child's blue eyes or freckles, would you? Autism is a trait, and in many ways, a gift. It deserves to be embraced. I don't "have" autism; I am autistic, just as I'm blue-eyed, Polish, a sister, an animal lover, and so on. I wouldn't be me without it :)

Aspie Social Group!

For the second time, I went to a social group for people on the spectrum last Thursday. I'm really liking this group, as it's a lot of fun! I've already made some friends and enjoy talking to the awesome peeps there.

The group consists of 15-20 people, and is coordinated by a facilitator. We typically just chat and share what is going on in our lives, whether it be what's new at work, if we've done anything exciting lately, or have made any achievements. I also brought a friend this week, who really enjoyed it! Of course, a gathering would not be complete without pizza! Wherever they order it from is REALLY good :)

I'm really glad to have found a group like this. It's a good feeling to be united with like-minded people and to have made friends with whom I can relate to. I can't wait till next month's meeting!

Thoughts at 4:16am

Today was a day full of anxiety. Actually, it really started to surface yesterday. I think it's because I started thinking about everything I need to do over the next few days.

Today was busy. I ran errands with my grandma, all the while thinking "omg, I gotta get this stuff done" before having to be at work at 11pm. Then there's the thought that after tonight's overnight shift, I leave in the morning and then come back at 3pm to work until 11pm. Then, I work 3-11pm on Friday and Saturday, too. It's just so much!

The weird thing is, I get more anxious about the fact I know I have to do things than I am when I'm actually doing them. Sure enough, once I got to work tonight, the anxiety started to lift. This happens without a doubt, every time.

I think this is both an Aspie thing and an anxiety thing. Aspie being because we tend to have difficulty prioritizing and organizing. With a lot of things, I tend to procrastinate or get overwhelmed. That's where anxiety comes in to play its part. Once overwhelmed, I become anxious, and rather than face the task at hand, I want to run from it.

On days like today where I had to do what I needed to do, I just have to roll with it. Some things, we can plan and order, however others, we have to go along with as they come. Either way, I need to tell myself that it's nothing to worry about! It's not always easy, but reassuring myself always helps :)

My life at the moment

Life has been good these days. I have to say I've been truly happy. I'm loving my new job. I feel like I'm getting a better handle on my health. I still have time to do the things I enjoy.

Working in a group home has always been my niche. What I love about the overnights is that they're so relaxing, and that when people wake up in the middle of the night, the conversations we have. I feel so appreciated there. My coworkers are amazing. I also notice that I don't seem to be having the struggles I had at my last job, like trying to put more on my plate than I can handle, or not quite knowing how to handle some situations. I'm more able to capitalize on my strengths, which is something I always strive for.

I feel healthier. I've been making it a point to go on the treadmill every day I can, and so far, I've only been missing a day here and there! My legs feel stronger already. I don't feel tired all the time anymore. I'm also drinking lots of water, and definitely notice a difference.

Another thing I like about working overnights is the fact that I still have the rest of the day to myself. I can still hang with my brother and my friends, go out for dinner or to the mall, and don't have to be to work until 11pm. Then I work, come home and sleep until the afternoon, and have the rest of the day to do as I please! I also have more energy at night than I do all day, so it works for me!

I'm determined to keep my life going in the right direction. As long as I keep doing what I've been doing, it will only get better!  :)

Working the overnight!

Well, my supervisor just texted me to ask if I could do the overnight. I gladly obliged! I've always been a night owl. I usually have more energy at night than I do all day!

I've been this way for as log as I can remember. Even when I was little, I always wanted to stay up late. By high school, I was usually up until about midnight most of the time. These days, I've been hitting the hay between 11 and 12, only as of recent because my weight has me feeling really lethargic. Up until a few months ago, it was more like 2 or 3am!

I plan on changing that back. Now that I get to sleep in most days with my new schedule, I'd like to get back into the routine of staying up late, so I can enjoy more of my free time. I sleep until 10 or 11am anyway, either way, so if I stay up until 2 or so that will give me a few more hours to get things done and just enjoy myself. It will also allow me to use more energy, and maybe I'll want to exercise during those times.

I've also started walking on the treadmill, and after three days straight, I already notice that my knees feel stronger! :) I hope to get back into my typical sleep pattern plus feel more energized. I'm going to capitalize on my free time while getting this weight under control! :)

Wow, it's been a month!

I just realized it's been a month since my last post. Boy, does time fly! A lot has happened since my last post. I got a new job! I'm now working in a group home for people with mental illness.

Basically, I decided that Supported Housing was not my niche. I really enjoyed all of the residents and my coworkers, however it was getting to be a lot to handle. I truly do miss it, and plan to keep in touch with everyone!

Having done the group home thing before, I knew it was something I could manage. I think I've found my niche! Again, the residents and coworkers are awesome. I'm really enjoying it so far!

Settling into my own skin

Since diagnosis, I have identified different stages I've gone through:

1) The discovery stage: I now had a diagnosis, knew what was my identity, and where I stood. This was when I told the world my story and began my journey. Time to shout out that I'm an Aspie and proud!

2) Advocacy: Now that I was a newly diagnosed Aspie, I felt my point was to share as much of my own experiences and information as I could on the topic. After all, I want to help others like me, as well as others who may be questioning whether they're on the spectrum.

3) Proving Myself: This is kind of a continuation of the second stage. I had already spent a lot of time advocating, but I felt that I needed to keep on the subject. To raise as much awareness as possible. To show others what life on the spectrum is like, and how I work with my challenges and talents.

4) Settling into my own skin: I now realize that I've made my point, and helped others to learn a lot! It's at this point where I remember, "hey, I'm still the same ME I was before diagnosis." I've always been the same person; I just know through my journey that in addition to being a Sonic fanatic, animal lover, daughter, sister, and crazy goofball, I also happen to be autistic. It is very much a part of my identity, but not all there is to me. I can still post the cute animal pics and random goofy statuses I always have on Facebook! :)

This has been an exciting and insightful journey. I'm still learning more about myself every day, but I feel like I now have a balance, and know my niche. I have many parts to my identity. The most important thing is that they are all ME!