Online Friends

In thinking of a good topic for a blog, (besides the holidays one which is coming up after these messages ;D) I decided that there's something I've really grown to love about Facebook: making online friends!

I was once "one of those people" who swore against adding anyone whom I didn't know in person, and then one day, something changed. Well, I can't pinpoint it directly, but over the past few years in learning I was on the spectrum, I started joining many autism groups on Facebook. Being a member turned into conversations. Several conversations then turned into actually adding people to my friends list, and maintaining regular contact! If I hadn't stepped out of my comfort zone and never added anyone I didn't already know, I'd be missing out on a lot of awesome peeps! I would never have met the author of the blog that taught me I was autistic in the first place! You know who you are ;)

Through keeping in touch with several of my online pals, I've learned so much about myself and met some wonderful people. I now now that distance doesn't matter; one can still show someone they care through a friendly message or conversation! I've also met one of my Facebook friends in person, after all! We chatted in groups and added each other, and had a lot of conversations. We learned we had so much in common! I then found out that they had moved to my neck of the woods, and now we hang out and go to Aspie group together! You know who you are as well ;)

I just want to reflect and look at how much has changed since I've stepped into the realm of online friendship. It's helped me to come out of my shell, meet people from all over the globe, and get to know many personalities who are alike yet different from mine at the same time. It's helped me to become cultured and more open-minded. To all my online friends: thank you for being there and making it possible to get to know you! You're all amazing :D

Delayed Emotional Adolescence....or None At All?

For the past 6 months or so, since my diagnosis opened my eyes to various facets of myself and led me on a path to self-discovery, my first thought was that it was then I was beginning the emotional/mental stages of adolescence, as I never went through such during my chronological adolescence. However, I'm beginning to wonder if that's what I would call it in the first place, as a lot of the key features of typical adolescence still aren't there. Questioning one's interests. Wanting to act older but not knowing how. Starting to develop more mature interests and wanting to leave childhood things behind. I haven't gone through any of that, and quite frankly, I'm glad! I'm very content with the person I am and am in no hurry to act "older."

See, my mind and my body have never really been in sync. I remember being 9 and still having the interests of about a 6-year-old. Then came middle school and high school, where the other girls suddenly thought a lot of the things I still liked were lame, and started to change. There was no way I could understand it, as it wasn't happening to me. I remember watching my friends start to worry about their appearances, becoming confused and wanting to act older all of a sudden, and becoming interested in boys. None of it made any sense to me. I couldn't rationalize it. Why was it that when I felt perfectly happy the way I was, others didn't seem happy with themselves anymore? They'd beat themselves up about their weight, and other things that just seemed unimportant to me. I remember feeling kind of sad for some of them who seemed unhappy, as well as kind of lost amongst them, all the while being glad that none of it was going on with me.

Today at 31, most of these things still have never occurred to me. I still have the same interests I had when I was a teenager. I'd rather play video games than worry about my appearance any day. I collect toys and stuffed animals. My idea of a good time is going to the movies and eating lots of candy. I've never questioned my likes and dislikes. They come natural to me, so why try to change them? As for the acting older part, I see many of my peers maturing and starting families. It still just doesn't appeal to me. I don't feel older, so I'm not going to act it. It wouldn't feel natural. I still like the same stuff the Sue everyone's known in school always liked, such as Sonic the Hedgehog! I like how Asperger's gives me a childlike view on life and allows me to appreciate the little things. It may make development go at a slower pace, but so what? It's MY pace and no one else's, and it can go at whatever rate is right for ME.

Maybe what I'm going through isn't an emotional adolescence after all, but rather just a period of learning more about myself, without the changing part. I can live with that :)

Aspie Perseverance

Thanks to one of the gifts that Asperger's has given me, that is, perseverance, I saved my baby. My cell phone, that is :P I thought I had done irreversible damage to it, and felt so lost and helpless.

After flashing a corrupt ROM file which failed to install, I found myself stuck in a bootloop. To my fellow geeks, you know what this means: a soft brick. I thought the solution was simple; a matter of connecting my phone to my computer and transferring a different ROM file to flash....until my computer wouldn't recognize my phone. I tried installing several device drivers, none of which were to any avail. I felt ready to give up. I even brought my phone to T-Mobile where the associate couldn't revive it either.

I went home, depressed, and after frustration and tears, stumbled upon a YouTube video with a tutorial on how to push a zip file using sideload. I was sure I was on to something, however had to leave for work. This morning when I got home, I gave it a try. Unfortunately, when I typed "adb sideload <ROM.zip>" into the command prompt, I got a message saying "device not found." I was perplexed. What did I need to do in order to get the computer to see that the phone was indeed connected. After much searching, I found a driver called "Universal Naked Driver." With all other options exhausted, I figured why not give it a try at this point? Well, I did just that, and bingo! The screen now showed "Android ADB interface" as my device's name! I tried the command prompt again, only this time, the sideload started! Once I saw the CyanogenMod boot screen, a HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders. I DID IT!!! :)

This is one instance I have my Asperger's to thank for. If I didn't have the drive and determinstion, who knows if I ever would have gotten that phone up and running again? I went from feeling like a failure as a geek, to reclaiming my rightful title. Today was a great day :)

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

As this day begins, I realize I have a lot to be thankful for. I have an awesome and caring family, great friends, and a job I love. However, this year, Thanksgiving takes on a special meaning. This year I'm especially thankful for getting my Asperger's diagnosis and discovering some of the missing pieces that make up who I am.

I now know more about myself than ever before. Why I've always been fussy with tastes and textures. Why, despite trying to play with the other kids, something didn't always seem to click. Why I've always been a little "different," and not cared what anyone thought.

I know why jokes often go over my head. Why things take on a literal meaning before anything else. Why I sometimes don't get the point of what others are trying to say, and I can't seem to get mine across, either.

I also know that all of this has allowed me to be me. It fuels my passion for the things I love, such as Sonic the Hedgehog and the Android operating system. I can be myself without shame; others' opinions don't phase me. I have a natural gift for working with electronics. I have a child-like innocence and zest for life that I wouldn't trade for anything.

While I've always known these things about myself, I now have an official REASON for them. I consider it a gift; my own personal operating system. So this Thanksgiving, I'd like to say that I'm grateful to have found answers and gained introspect! :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Stranded!!!

Well, it sure has been an interesting day. Buffalo, NY got clobbered with snow! There's probably close to 5 feet out there now, and it's not showing any signs of letting up anytime soon.

It started last night. My dad drove me into work, as he has a truck with 4WD. The snow was only up to about a foot at that time. I worked the overnight as I normally do, and it just kept dumping and dumping. Every few hours, I went to shovel the porch (or as much as I could with herniated discs!) and every time I went out, there was a nice new mound on the porch. By morning, it was up to my chest! I had to meet my assistant manager halfway in the front yard and then we both turned around and went back through the path I created, just so she could get to the house! At one point I fell to my knees and almost had a panic attack, because I didn't think I'd be able to get back up! I've never walked through such deep snow in my life!

I'm now still at work, as there's a travel ban, and my dad said our street has yet to be plowed. I spent the majority of the day snoozing on the couch in the basement, to recharge for tonight's overnight. That couch is comfy, and I slept like a baby :)

As if we hadn't gotten enough already, there's supposed to be another wave tomorrow morning! Yikes! Maybe tomorrow I'll finally get to go home. We shall see! This will sure make for an interesting story for many years to come :)

Need to Vent

There's something that I need to blow off some steam about. Recently, in one of the autism groups I belong to on Facebook, particularly a support group for parents, I've seen some comments I find quite disturbing. Now, I joined this group to give parents the perspective of an autistic person in the hopes that they could use it to apply to life with their own children. However, as of late, I've seen it stated multiple times that someone HATES autism.

I have a problem with this. People are comparing autism to a disease, such as cancer, which it is not. They claim that it "robs" their child of who they "could have been," it causes their child to "miss out on things" and so on. The thing is autism is a way of being. It is a facet of who a person is, and should be accepted as part of the whole. That's not to say is doesn't make things difficult at times; it does, but LIFE is difficult sometimes. Don't put the blame on autism. They make arguments such as "well, I'll never see my child go to prom or play soccer." Well, what if the child doesn't WANT to do those things, anyway? I never went to prom, and I have no regrets. What did I "miss out on?" A lot of money spent and a night of boredom. I rest my case. That, and maybe their child WILL be able to do those things, after all! Let them be who THEY are, not who you want them to be.

Yet parents are telling me that my view is wrong, and fighting tooth and nail to defend their stance that autism is something deserving of hate. I'm told I'm wrong for accepting who I am an embracing it. That I must be "high functioning" to be able to have such a conversation. How am I wrong for encouraging people not to hate a part of their child, and to try to convince them to reframe their thinking? I tell them things such as "a child who is nonverbal has other methods of communicating, and perhaps they can show you love in ways you never thought possible." I get beaten down and told that I'm "telling people how to feel," yet they seem to think it's fine and dandy to tell an autistic person that they have a right to hate something that it a part of that autistic person's identity. Pretty backwards, huh? I just don't get it. No, THEY don't get it.

To sum it all up, hate is a very strong word. Hate that your child has struggles. Hate that the world isn't accepting of them. Hate that others are so narrow-minded as to not be willing to understand them, but don't hate autism. No one asks to have it, but for those who have been dealt it, they and all parts of them are just as deserving of love as the next person. You wouldn't say you hate your child's blue eyes or freckles, would you? Autism is a trait, and in many ways, a gift. It deserves to be embraced. I don't "have" autism; I am autistic, just as I'm blue-eyed, Polish, a sister, an animal lover, and so on. I wouldn't be me without it :)

Aspie Social Group!

For the second time, I went to a social group for people on the spectrum last Thursday. I'm really liking this group, as it's a lot of fun! I've already made some friends and enjoy talking to the awesome peeps there.

The group consists of 15-20 people, and is coordinated by a facilitator. We typically just chat and share what is going on in our lives, whether it be what's new at work, if we've done anything exciting lately, or have made any achievements. I also brought a friend this week, who really enjoyed it! Of course, a gathering would not be complete without pizza! Wherever they order it from is REALLY good :)

I'm really glad to have found a group like this. It's a good feeling to be united with like-minded people and to have made friends with whom I can relate to. I can't wait till next month's meeting!