Deep in thought.

Today's one of those days where I seem to be in a funk. I'm not in a bad mood, but just can't get my mind to stop cranking. Then I saw a post that turned my mind right back to where it should be.

For some reason, I stumbled upon a goofy quiz yesterday that was a parody of the Autism Quotient quiz. It was a "Neurotypical Quiz." Just for farts and giggles, I decided to take it. I scored "55% nurotypical" and it said that it was "unlikely I was autistic."

Now, of course this was laughable, because, duh, I'm diagnosed! For some reason, though, I felt disappointed. It was almost as if I had doubts. Maybe I've just been in one of my overanalytical moods, and have just been thinking too hard. I still felt this way for most of today. Nevertheless, I had this "what if" feeling...what if I'm not worthy of this upcoming presentation? What if I don't accurately represent the people I've been doing all this advocacy for?

Now, before I continue, you need to understand one thing. I have OCD. It's not uncommon for me to second-guess myself. I think it's because I'm looking so forward to this presentation, that my mind is trying to self-sabotage. This is what happens when you have comorbid disorders.

Now, back to that post I referred to in my first paragraph. Someone in an autism forum I belong to had stated that their family member's new tutor claimed she had been faking autism to use it as an excuse to get away with things. It was at this point when I finally came to my senses and my mind snapped back into place. Autism is a spectrum, my mind told me. I commented this, and explained that I, too, may not appear to be autistic at a first glance, however once someone gets to know me, they'll observe the traits. This is why it's impossible for one to "look" autistic!

Then it dawned on me even further, just because a silly quiz with no validity told me I'm most likely not autistic, doesn't mean a darn thing! Especially when this quiz was skewed in favor of social strengths. The thing is, I have social strengths. My autistic traits present themselves in OTHER areas. The quiz did not take into account my literal thinking, easiness to be manipulated, slower rate of development, mild sensory sensitivities, or my lack of desire to follow social norms. It was a faulty quiz, in my opinion, and this is a PERFECT example of why it should be taken with a grain of salt.

Because I stumbled upon that post, I'm now feeling relieved. I'm glad my OCD wasn't able to outsmart me this time! I can now move forward with confidence. Of course I'm autistic. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have had suspicions for 5 years, and I certainly wouldn't have a diagnosis. I have every reason to advocate and am entitled to speak up to support my fellow autistics! I can't wait until my presentation, and am feeling a lot better now. I also hope my comment has helped this girl and her family member :)