Looking back...no pun intended

It was two years ago today that I was in the ER for my back. It had been hurting on and off since the beginning of the year, and was finally at a point where I could barely move. It had been giving me extreme pain for a few days.

I got to the ER, and was taken in pretty quickly. The nurse who saw me was able to pop something back into place, and told me it was my sacroiliac joint. She gave me a Lortab to ease the pain as I waited to be discharged, and I got a nice little catnap in. I also got a medical note excusing me from work for two weeks.

I spent the next two weeks with a lot of rest, and a few comfy pillows. I was prescribed more Lortab and a muscle relaxer, which really helped me to sleep. After those two weeks and some chiropractic appointments, I was ready to return to work.

I had some more appointments and and MRI within the next month, which revealed the answer I was hoping not to hear: herniated discs. To this day, I have no idea what caused them. Yes, my being overweight doesn't help matters, but how they originally developed, I will never know.

I'm just extremely thankful that since that time, my back has been holding its own. It does have its moments, that's for sure, and I know when I need to take it easy. I can't go trying to lift 50 pounds, as I know it could throw something out of whack again. I do experience days where it's stiff and a little sore, but it has been NOTHING like it was during those two weeks. Let's hope it continues to stay fairly stable! *knock on wood*

Happy Autistic Pride Day!

Today is Autistic Pride Day! What does autistic pride mean to me?

It means not being afraid to be yourself in a world that you stand out in. Embracing your unique talents. Appreciating your differences. Being grateful for the challenges you have conquered, for they have only made you stronger.

It also means being one of the building blocks of humanity. Without autistics, the world wouldn't be where it is today. Many of our brilliant minds and innovators were/are on the spectrum. It takes many various kinds of people to make the world go round.

On this day, I reflect upon my experiences. That day last March when I learned I was autistic after all, after years of suspecting it. The fact I'm a little different from my peers and think that's pretty neat. My childlike innocence and sense of wonder. My gift with gadgets. Most importantly, the fact that without autism, I wouldn't be me! :)

Spreading my advocacy wings

My opportunities to advocate have only been increasing! This is an exciting time for me. I can reach out and educate others on autism!

As many of you know, I'm going to be doing an Asperger's presentation for Autism Services, the organization who runs my Aspie group. I'm going to follow a Power Point presentation and add my experiences of life on the spectrum. I'll make myself available to answer questions others may have.

I'm really looking forward to this presentation, and any others the future may hold. It has always been my dream to help others. Back 11 years ago when I started working in the developmental disabilities field, little did I know it would be my own experiences I'd be able to use to reach out to people! Life is sure one awesome journey :)

Deep in thought.

Today's one of those days where I seem to be in a funk. I'm not in a bad mood, but just can't get my mind to stop cranking. Then I saw a post that turned my mind right back to where it should be.

For some reason, I stumbled upon a goofy quiz yesterday that was a parody of the Autism Quotient quiz. It was a "Neurotypical Quiz." Just for farts and giggles, I decided to take it. I scored "55% nurotypical" and it said that it was "unlikely I was autistic."

Now, of course this was laughable, because, duh, I'm diagnosed! For some reason, though, I felt disappointed. It was almost as if I had doubts. Maybe I've just been in one of my overanalytical moods, and have just been thinking too hard. I still felt this way for most of today. Nevertheless, I had this "what if" feeling...what if I'm not worthy of this upcoming presentation? What if I don't accurately represent the people I've been doing all this advocacy for?

Now, before I continue, you need to understand one thing. I have OCD. It's not uncommon for me to second-guess myself. I think it's because I'm looking so forward to this presentation, that my mind is trying to self-sabotage. This is what happens when you have comorbid disorders.

Now, back to that post I referred to in my first paragraph. Someone in an autism forum I belong to had stated that their family member's new tutor claimed she had been faking autism to use it as an excuse to get away with things. It was at this point when I finally came to my senses and my mind snapped back into place. Autism is a spectrum, my mind told me. I commented this, and explained that I, too, may not appear to be autistic at a first glance, however once someone gets to know me, they'll observe the traits. This is why it's impossible for one to "look" autistic!

Then it dawned on me even further, just because a silly quiz with no validity told me I'm most likely not autistic, doesn't mean a darn thing! Especially when this quiz was skewed in favor of social strengths. The thing is, I have social strengths. My autistic traits present themselves in OTHER areas. The quiz did not take into account my literal thinking, easiness to be manipulated, slower rate of development, mild sensory sensitivities, or my lack of desire to follow social norms. It was a faulty quiz, in my opinion, and this is a PERFECT example of why it should be taken with a grain of salt.

Because I stumbled upon that post, I'm now feeling relieved. I'm glad my OCD wasn't able to outsmart me this time! I can now move forward with confidence. Of course I'm autistic. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have had suspicions for 5 years, and I certainly wouldn't have a diagnosis. I have every reason to advocate and am entitled to speak up to support my fellow autistics! I can't wait until my presentation, and am feeling a lot better now. I also hope my comment has helped this girl and her family member :)

Enjoying the weekend :)

After much-needed sleep yesterday, I'm enjoying my weekend :) I slept until 5:30pm yesterday after work, and then binged on some REALLY good pizza! Then I slept some more....and some more. Lol!

This morning I woke up around 7:45, and decided to spend an hour laying in bed and playing some Juice Jam and Yummy Gummy. Then my mom made French toast with this delicious cinnamon and brown sugar bread. It was awesome!

Today I'm going to spend the day vegging and probably geeking out over whichever ROMs I find on xda-developers.com. Happy Memorial Day weekend, everyone! :)

Feelings...

Anxiety, gripping my mind. Stomach feels tense, and no idea why. Will I be able to relax? Can I get through the day?

Confusion....nothing makes sense. Is it me, or is it them? Why do little things seem to set me off?

Uncertainty. Did I do anything to start any trouble? Say anything to offend anyone?

Why do I feel this way? No idea. Maybe it's time for a med adjustment...

Things to relate to!

It's great to find experiences of others that you can relate to. Today I've stumbled across two! It really makes you feel like you're not alone in the world.

One is an article by a friend who discovered she was autistic at 21. She is now 27, has her Master's and lives in an apartment with her cat. I could relate to many of the experiences she described, and then ran across a sentence that resonated with me. In high school, "she wasn't into makeup, boys or dating." This is the story of my life! I knew this about her already, but to see that sentence just instilled into me that I'm not the only one who just doesn't find those things interesting.

Another article I was reading was by a former elementary school teacher who has Asperger's. He was talking about how things are looked at as hobbies for non-autistic people, but obsessions for autistic people. Fast forward to about halfway through the article, and what is one of his special interests, but...you guessed it...Sonic the Hedgehog! :D He talked about how it helped him become a writer, an explorer, and to form a bond with his cousin. Sonic has been so therapeutic for me since I was 10. It's something I can play over and over again and persevere on. Sonic never gets old!

After reading these articles, I'm left with a feeling of happiness. Happy because there are others who "get it." There are other peeps out there who are like me! Everyone is unique in their own way, which I appreciate VERY much. It is nice once in a while, though, to find others with common interests :)