Thoughts at 4:16am

Today was a day full of anxiety. Actually, it really started to surface yesterday. I think it's because I started thinking about everything I need to do over the next few days.

Today was busy. I ran errands with my grandma, all the while thinking "omg, I gotta get this stuff done" before having to be at work at 11pm. Then there's the thought that after tonight's overnight shift, I leave in the morning and then come back at 3pm to work until 11pm. Then, I work 3-11pm on Friday and Saturday, too. It's just so much!

The weird thing is, I get more anxious about the fact I know I have to do things than I am when I'm actually doing them. Sure enough, once I got to work tonight, the anxiety started to lift. This happens without a doubt, every time.

I think this is both an Aspie thing and an anxiety thing. Aspie being because we tend to have difficulty prioritizing and organizing. With a lot of things, I tend to procrastinate or get overwhelmed. That's where anxiety comes in to play its part. Once overwhelmed, I become anxious, and rather than face the task at hand, I want to run from it.

On days like today where I had to do what I needed to do, I just have to roll with it. Some things, we can plan and order, however others, we have to go along with as they come. Either way, I need to tell myself that it's nothing to worry about! It's not always easy, but reassuring myself always helps :)

My life at the moment

Life has been good these days. I have to say I've been truly happy. I'm loving my new job. I feel like I'm getting a better handle on my health. I still have time to do the things I enjoy.

Working in a group home has always been my niche. What I love about the overnights is that they're so relaxing, and that when people wake up in the middle of the night, the conversations we have. I feel so appreciated there. My coworkers are amazing. I also notice that I don't seem to be having the struggles I had at my last job, like trying to put more on my plate than I can handle, or not quite knowing how to handle some situations. I'm more able to capitalize on my strengths, which is something I always strive for.

I feel healthier. I've been making it a point to go on the treadmill every day I can, and so far, I've only been missing a day here and there! My legs feel stronger already. I don't feel tired all the time anymore. I'm also drinking lots of water, and definitely notice a difference.

Another thing I like about working overnights is the fact that I still have the rest of the day to myself. I can still hang with my brother and my friends, go out for dinner or to the mall, and don't have to be to work until 11pm. Then I work, come home and sleep until the afternoon, and have the rest of the day to do as I please! I also have more energy at night than I do all day, so it works for me!

I'm determined to keep my life going in the right direction. As long as I keep doing what I've been doing, it will only get better!  :)

Working the overnight!

Well, my supervisor just texted me to ask if I could do the overnight. I gladly obliged! I've always been a night owl. I usually have more energy at night than I do all day!

I've been this way for as log as I can remember. Even when I was little, I always wanted to stay up late. By high school, I was usually up until about midnight most of the time. These days, I've been hitting the hay between 11 and 12, only as of recent because my weight has me feeling really lethargic. Up until a few months ago, it was more like 2 or 3am!

I plan on changing that back. Now that I get to sleep in most days with my new schedule, I'd like to get back into the routine of staying up late, so I can enjoy more of my free time. I sleep until 10 or 11am anyway, either way, so if I stay up until 2 or so that will give me a few more hours to get things done and just enjoy myself. It will also allow me to use more energy, and maybe I'll want to exercise during those times.

I've also started walking on the treadmill, and after three days straight, I already notice that my knees feel stronger! :) I hope to get back into my typical sleep pattern plus feel more energized. I'm going to capitalize on my free time while getting this weight under control! :)

Wow, it's been a month!

I just realized it's been a month since my last post. Boy, does time fly! A lot has happened since my last post. I got a new job! I'm now working in a group home for people with mental illness.

Basically, I decided that Supported Housing was not my niche. I really enjoyed all of the residents and my coworkers, however it was getting to be a lot to handle. I truly do miss it, and plan to keep in touch with everyone!

Having done the group home thing before, I knew it was something I could manage. I think I've found my niche! Again, the residents and coworkers are awesome. I'm really enjoying it so far!