Learning You're On The Spectrum

At some point in every autistic's journey, okay, maybe not those who were diagnosed from a very young age, but rather those who flew under the radar for a long time, we have certain "light bulb" moments that lead us to presume we're on the spectrum. Maybe it's the fact we've always been a little bit "different." Perhaps we have become more aware of social struggles as time goes on. Whatever the case, I'd like to talk about my personal experience.

I didn't first hear of Asperger's until I was 22 and in my second to last year of college, when I'd learned of student's kids who had it. Other than the fact it sounded an awful lot like "asparagus" to me, I didn't give it much thought. I knew it was a form of autism, but that was about all I knew. I had the common misconception that it meant one was "in their own world" as that's what I had been fed by the world.

Fast forward about 4 years. I was working as a Supported Housing Specialist for the same agency I currently work for. I had always known I was different, but had attributed it to the fact that I was diagnosed with ADHD at 25. Something still seemed to set me apart from others, though. My literal thinking. The fact I couldn't read between the lines. I had this genuineness and innocence about me. Jokes often went right over my head.

I don't recall how it happened, but I somehow stumbled upon a blog by a girl with Asperger's. As I read her story, I had that "light bulb" moment and thought, "wow, I could have written this!" The author talked about her sensory experiences. I had always had sensory sensitivities for as long as I could remember. She talked about other things which I could totally relate to as well.

Taking what I now knew, I began to research Asperger's. After taking online quizzes, and looking at lists of female traits, I was convinced that I too, was an Aspie! I spent the next 5 years involved in the community and made several friends in Facebook communities. Though nothing was set in stone, I learned that it was okay to self-identify until I got the answers I was looking for.

When it finally became official, on March 19, 2014, the first thing I felt appropriate to do was to share my story with the world! The pieces of the puzzle finally fit together, hence the name of my blog, "The Pieces Fit!" I had validation. My suspicions were confirmed.

Whether you have been suspecting for a long time that something is a little different about you, or you learn something later on that gives you an "aha!" moment, we all take different paths down the road to self-discovery. It truly is one of the most rewarding experiences one can live!

Traits, Traits, Traits.

You may wonder, what exactly is it that makes one autistic? The answer is, there are several traits which place one on the spectrum! Here, I'll outline the traits, or features, which I attribute to autism.

- Literal thinking: I interpret what people say word for word, in black and white.
- Not reading between the lines: I take what people say at face value and don't pick up on "hidden" messages.
- Genuineness: I am who I am, and don't know how to be any other way.
- Naivety: I am overly trusting and look for the good in others.
- Sensory sensitivities: I have strong aversions to certain tastes and textures.
- Logical thinking: I think about things in a methodological way.
- Misinterpretation: I sometimes take what others tell me the wrong way, and vice versa.
- Using humor: jokes often go over my head, and people tend to think I'm serious when trying to crack a joke.
- Youthfulness: I'm younger than most of my peers developmentally and mentally.
- Innocence: I have always had a sense of this, as I look at the world through rose-colored glasses.
- Attention to detail: I notice the little things; I stop and smell the roses.
- Gift for gadgets: I can figure out how things work just by taking them into my own hands.
- Zest for life: I live each day to the fullest and have fun every moment I can!

In a nutshell, that's the majority of the traits which make up my own unique autistic experience! What are some of your traits?

What's It Like To Be Autistic?

A lot of people might ask, "what's it like to be autistic?" Well, I'll tell you about it! :)

While most people see the big picture, I take it in bit by bit, detail by detail. If I look at a picture of the beach, for example, the sparkling water might catch my attention first. Maybe it's the dog running after the frisbee its owner just threw. Perhaps it's the grainy sand. I notice the little things, and appreciate them.

I take things very literally. When I was 13, a girl told me that her friend stabbed her in the back. My response: "what did she stab you with?" Figures of speech, unless I've become familiar with them, will often mean to me how they sound word for word.

I'm honest to a fault, and often assume everyone else is the same way. While this is usually a good thing, it has gotten me taken advantage of. I've learned how to be more careful so that I don't run into the same problem in the future. I take things at face value, and am transparently, unapologetically me.

I have my special interests: Sonic the Hedgehog and Android. I've been a die-hard Sonic fan since I was 9, and my interest hasn't wavered over the past 24 years. You can often find me rooting my newest devices and flashing the latest ROMs. I'm a flashaholic (for those of you scratching your head, that means someone who likes to install the latest operating system, in excess) XD

So there you have it: a little glimpse into what it's like to see the world through autistic eyes. I wouldn't want to be any other way, as I wouldn't be me! Autism is ausome :)

Happy Autism Acceptance Month!

April 1st has come around once again! Yes, it's that day where we try to pull one over on our family and friends for some laughs, but that's not what I'm talking about. It's the start of another Autism Acceptance month!

Even though it's often referred to as "Autism Awareness" month, I'd like to start calling it "Acceptance" instead. Why is this? Well, we already have plenty of awareness, and while we could definitely still use some more on that note, I like to focus on the fact that even more importantly than awareness, us autistics need acceptance.

It's one thing to recognize that someone is autistic, whether it be the child having a meltdown at the grocery store, or the person who is socially a little uncomfortable. It's another thing to offer to lend a hand, or to include someone! Autism acceptance begins when the world celebrates autistics for the people we are.

When autistics are accepted, we feel like we're part of a team. We don't feel alienated, or like we don't belong, but rather like we can still be ourselves with no shame in our game. We have a sense of belonging; that we are appreciated. Isn't that what every human being wants?

My method of celebrating Autism Acceptance month is to write blogs like this one, to shout out about how the world can accept our neurodiversity! I wish to advocate and educate others on how they can show their friends on the spectrum that they appreciate them. What will you do to raise Autism Acceptance?

Two Whole Years?

Here it is, 11:37pm, March 29th, 2016. Less than a half hour left until my birthday. Exactly two years since I started this blog, since I shared my story with the world. A lot has happened since then, yet at the same time, it feels like just yesterday!

I remember when I decided to start this blog. I wanted to share my autism diagnosis with the world, and I thought "what a better way to do this than to start a blog?" I decided on the name "The Pieces Fit" because the day I was diagnosed, it was like a puzzle was finally solved as I got the answers I had so desperately sought. Everything made sense now!

In these past two years, I have had a full life. I have had multiple opportunities to share my story and advocate, and I've also had a lot of fun along the way! I got to know a wonderful group of people at the house I currently work at, and I strengthened my bond with those whom I've been working with at my relief job. This year marked 10 years since I started at Aspire of WNY!

As I look forward to my birthday, I think of what the year ahead has to offer. What advocacy opportunities may lie ahead. I'll keep on keepin' on being a voice for that autism community. I'll also enjoy each day. I gotta have fun! :)

It's That Day Again...Two Years Later! :)

Here it is! It's once again March 19th. My two-year Aspieversary. Where has the time gone?

I know everyone has heard my diagnosis story, so this time I'll switch things up a bit. I'll talk about life as an Aspie!

I see the world in bits and pieces, rather than the whole picture. As I walk through the park, a bird chirping catches my attention. The sun gleams into my eye and I feel its warmth. My focus then moves to the grass. How lush and green it is! I take a breath. The air smells of spring flowers. Though my senses process each experience separately, one at a time, they do so with such intensity that allows me to stop and appreciate each one. Of course, this also means sensory sensitivities, which can be irritating. Luckily, they don't overwhelm me to the point of overload.

My mind interprets things literally. If you use an idiom, my mind will take it one of two ways. If it's one I'm familiar with, such as the often used "it's raining cats and dogs," I know exactly that you simply means it's raining a LOT. On the flip side, when presented with a phrase that I've never heard before, my mind will take it at face value. At times like this, I need to ask for clarification. Jokes usually go the same way. I often pause for a moment, confused, before the punchline hits me after the fact, or once again, I need to ask what was meant. Reading between the lines is not something that I was programmed with. If you say one thing but mean another, chances are that I will take it for what I heard in English. This has led to my demise at times, and has made me vulnerable. I'm slowly learning how to spot a wolf in sheep's clothing.

I'm not an emotional person, per se, but I feel and recognize my emotions. When I'm upset, the world will know, as I show it. I'm sensitive and take things to heart. The kinds of meltdowns I DO experience are in response to feeling hurt or upset. I'll start crying, and I can't control it. What helps me during these times is reassurance. Once I have that, I'm able to let whatever it is go and move on. Anger is a feeling I don't experience that often, as I'm generally a happy person. When it comes to watching movies, I feel detached, in a sense, as I'm never moved to the point of tears. I can relate to and experience the emotions of the characters, however I can't say a movie has ever made me cry. I think it's because my mind realizes it's only a movie. I'm driven by logic.

I have no shame in my game. Who needs self-consciousness, anyway? I always saw it as something that was unnecessary. I'm not afraid to wear clothes that don't necessarily match, so long as they feel "just right." I have no reservations about proudly displaying my fanaticism for Sonic the Hedgehog. I'm unapologetically me, complete with a dash of eccentricity!
Since learning I'm an Aspie, I feel compelled to help others who are going through similar experiences. I want to help others who suspect they might be on the spectrum find answers, just like I did. I also want to show others that Asperger's brings with it many gifts and talents. I recently began the process of becoming a Compeer volunteer, and I asked to be connected with another young adult on the spectrum, so that I can be a mentor of a sort to someone else in a situation not unlike mine. I'm active in my Aspie group, and am always looking for opportunities to be an advocate in the community, such as the presentation I gave this past summer.

Life has been pretty good to me over the past two years, and my journey is still young. I'm positive that the world holds many opportunities for the future; opportunities to educate, advocate, connect, and learn. I'm going to continue to enjoy the ride! :)

Dreaming away...

So I've had some interesting dreams over the past couple days. It's typical of me to have out of this world dreams, but these ones took the cake!

I dozed off on the couch on Sunday night as the Democratic debate was on. I dreamt that my brother and I were at an event, listening to Bernie Sanders himself speak! It was a pretty neat dream, actually :)

On Monday night, things got a little weird. I took a nap before work. I first dreamt that my brother was going to get vapor fluid (he doesn't even vape) and he was telling me that Raven-Symoné worked at the vape store! I told him I wanted to go with him next time to meet her, lol!  Then, I dreamt that I was late for work due to having a panic attack. In this dream, I was scrambling at the last minute, grabbing food to take with me. As I called my coworker to let them know I was going to be late, I felt myself getting more and more worked up. I then got to work and there was a resident there who was fictional rather than someone I actually work with, who was in need of psychiatric help (i actually work in a group home for people with mental health diagnoses). For whatever reason, I started telling her that I was out of Abilify and hadn't taken it in almost a week (which is really the case, lol). I don't know what happened next, but I woke up and it was REALLY 11pm: time to be at work! I really was running late now! I rushed out to the car, called my coworker to let them know I was on my way, and got there in about 10 minutes. Unlike my dream, everything at the house was running smoothly :)  I told them how I dreamt I was late and then it actually happened lol!

Dreams are funny things, especially in my case. Sometimes I know they come from something that I was thinking about earlier that day, and other times, they seem to come out of nowhere. Either way, they sure make for interesting stories!