Why would I want to do that?

I've never been swayed by others' opinions of me, nor by what they were doing. I remember first learning of the concept of peer pressure in this class in 6th grade, and thinking "why would I do these things (drink, smoke, do drugs, etc.) just because other kids are?" It didn't make an ounce of sense to me. I've always been me, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

I consider this to be one of my Aspie blessings. I've observed so many others getting hung up about fitting in and being cool. Having the latest clothes. Impressing their peers. Doing what the "cool" kids were doing. Then there was the fear that they didn't live up to their peers' standards, or the letdown when they weren't accepted.

I remember being on the outside looking in and and wondering why other kids were so preoccupied with these things if all they brought was misery. I guess it's a part of what those years are like for the typical adolescent, but having never experienced it, I had a hard time wrapping my head around it. All I saw was my friends, who once were interested in the things I was still interested in, becoming consumed by this mass "epidemic" and I felt kind of left in the dust. Did they no longer have any interest in our friendship? Why were they suddenly changing? Are they still going to want to be by my side?

These thoughts fueled my OCD, leading me to constantly ask for their reassurance. I think this partly drove them to be annoyed. I didn't realize that at the time. I only saw everything changing around me, wishing that things could be the same. I didn't have any interest in my clothes other than that they were comfortable and not too girly. I could have cared less what boys thought of me. I wasn't interested. Why do other girls care if they look "fat?" Looks are superficial.

To this day, I'll never understand this whole ordeal. Having never gone through it myself, it makes no sense to me. All I know is that I've always been very happy staying true to myself, whether the others appreciated it or not. I was much happier playing video games and doing my thing than doing whatever it was everyone else was doing.  I wouldn't change for anyone :)